Learning a few things about myself over the past two weeks. I’m coming to understand the source of my confidence in the box and that has me asking questions.

I’ve come to understand that I draw my confidence from others. My best days happen when some one I trust looks me in the eye and says to me, “you’ve got this. I’ve seen you do more.” and I buy in. Today was a prime example.

Einar and I did a 4 Round METCON
30 sec row for calorie
30 sec KB swings eye-level (70#)
30 sec rest

Until today, whenever the 70# KB came up in a METCON, I’ve always said, “Forget that. Seventy pounds is just begging for trouble. It’s gonna tear up my back.”

Today, Einar simply announced the WOD and said, “Let’s do this.” I didn’t question it. Just grabbed the kettle bell, followed him outside and we went to work.

I put my faith in his confidence in me. Basically my thought process was, “Einar says we can do this, so we’re gonna do it.” I didn’t question that.

Know what? It went just fine. I ranged between 18-16 swings per round. Nothing spectacular, but not too shabby, and nothing hurts. This is not the only time that’s happened, but I’m more aware of it of late.

So now I’m wondering;

-) From where do other folks draw their confidence? How do they cultivate it in themselves?

-) Why don’t I do it for myself?

-) Why do I rely on someone else saying, “you capable of more,” before I buy in?

-) Why do I trust their judgement over my own?

-) Shouldn’t I be the ultimate authority on what my body can do?

Don’t misunderstand. This is not a rant. I’m not upset. I’m curious. It’s not a cry for encouragement either. I’m not asking anyone to blow smoke up my ass. I just find myself pondering now that I feel that I’ve gotten a handle on this thing.

It’s not a challenge outside the box either. I think about the areas where I don’t struggle with this, my kids and my work.

In my job, I have a very clear understanding of what I do, and don’t, know and I have a solid grasp on my professional strengths and weaknesses. 

At home, I am supremely confident in my decision making with regards to what’s best for Whirlwind and Lil Bit. Erin and I are the ultimate authorities on what’s best for the growth and development of our kids. Sure there are challenges. Sure there are questions. Sure we turn to friends and family for consultation periodically, but by and large I don’t ever question our decisions once their made. 

So why is it different in the gym? Why do I need some one else to look at me and say, “I believe you can do it,” before I believe it myself?

My hope is that by realizing and acknowledging that this is my internal challenge it will make it easier to address. Hopefully, one day I’ll find my own faith and trust in my abilities without needing someone else to validate me.

But for now, continuing to surround myself with folks who see the potential and help me draw it out, is a huge help.

So I ask you…what’s your source of confidence?