May 8 2011, I walked into Crossfit Durham for my first bootcamp. Four years ago, I couldn’t tell you the difference between a dumb bell and a kettle bell. Today, I walked into the gym and I was coaching that session.

I have spent the better part of a week thinking about today. I have tried several times to write a very well thought out post that has gone through multiple iterations and drafts. The theme of that post is evolution. That post goes into all kinds of detail about the physical, emotional, transformation for me and my family. And it’s all true and the post doesn’t work. While it’s accurate, it still doesn’t ring true when I read it.

Here’s what works

First, the self-evident.


Me in Aug 2009, Photo Credit to Rick Bucich

Me and Lil Bit at the start of this journey

Me and Lil Bit at the start of this journey

Daddy's Girl

This is why I Crossfit

They tell the story quite well, but let me add some detail. Now, let me tell you about my morning.

Started the day coaching the 6:15 Bootcamp session. The highlight of which was running amok for the better part of 20 minutes with the class playing Crossfit Dodgeball. It was programmed and there were rules, but at the same time, it was so spontaneous and fun! I couldn’t sit and watch the game without getting involved.

I could tell you I did it to keep the game moving and to keep the athletes engaged. See, there were times when one entire team was off on the sidelines doing penalty calisthenics and the other team was standing around. So I could justifiably tell you that I jumped in, just so no one got to rest too long. In fact, I think I announced exactly that as I stepped into the box and picked up a ball. That would be partially (ok, mostly not) true. I got in the game because I couldn’t sit back and watch it go on with out me. I have sat on the sidelines for far too many years of my life.

After bootcamp, the Crossfit class was gearing up for the METCON. One of the newer athletes was here today. I see much of myself in him when he comes to work. He’s starting in a place very similar to the one I was in four years ago. The final portion of the METCON involved an 800M run. It was obvious that my friend was going to be out there doing that 800M for a long time and alone. Again, I couldn’t sit out and let that go on with out me.

I checked with Coach Lindsay, and with the athlete and when it was time I accompanied him on that run allowing him to set the pace. There were no goals, no trying to goad him on to go harder, faster etc. There was no formal coaching. I just wanted to provide some company. I know how lonely that final run can be. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. I wouldn’t let that run go on without me.

From Bootcamp I made my way over to my kids’s school. Today is bike or walk to school day. We live too far to walk or ride bikes practically or safely, So Erin drove the kids down. We met a few blocks from the school and then walked to the playground as a family.

Lil Bit and Maya went into the classroom for a Mother’s Day celebration. Whirlwind went off with a couple of class/school mates and started running the playground track.

I grabbed a seat in the shade and tried to sit still. I tried. I really did. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let that activity happen around me and not be a part of it.

I started walking/trotting around the 1/4 mile track stopping for some elevated push ups or step ups off rocks, air squats in another corner of the playground, then doing some balance beam work on the 4×4’s that ring the swing set. I did some bear crawls across the mulch of the swing set. I was just playing. It was not for time. There was no rep scheme. It just flowed. No one joined me, but a few folks noticed. They smiled. I smiled back. It’s all good.

What I realized driving home is that Crossfit has enabled me to get back in the game of life. I spent YEARS obese, scared, broken, afraid to get off the sideline. I wanted to. I DESPERATELY wanted to! I had forgotten how. I didn’t believe that I was capable. I knew I was letting life get away and I felt powerless to change it. Now I know better.

The community at Crossfit Durham, every coach I’ve had, every athlete that I’ve worked out with, every athlete I’ve coached has taught me I hold the power to drive my own life. I am not going to sit on the sidelines any longer. I may never be the strongest, fastest, fittest, but you can bet your ass I’m going to be in the game.

I can’t tell you what the future holds for certain. I have some ideas about where I would like to see it go. I will say this. I’m not sitting it out any more!

Happy fitiversary to me.

Now, get outside and play!