It is remarkable, and a touch alarming, how quickly nasty habits can reseat and take control of our lives.

The gym is starting a new fitness/lifestyle/nutrition challenge tomorrow and it could not come at a better time.

I have been wrestling with my nutrition for months watching the needle on the scale creep up week by week. I have, over the years that I’ve been involved with Crossfit Durham, come to understand that the number on the scale should not be the defining element of my life and I embrace that…within limits. I have slid well beyond those limits.

I know that when everything is in alignment, then I’m living my life weighing in around 220#. I consider that my ‘ideal fighting weight.’ Right now, I am a long way from there, but that’s ok.

I sincerely am not overly concerned about the number on the scale. I can accept that when our son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in April everything sort of spun out of orbit for a while. I’m not upset with that.

What concerns me most is that once he was stable, and clearly at that point diet/nutrition became a central topic in our home, I slipped back into the ‘phantom calorie’ habits that used to plague me when I was at my all-time heaviest.

Back when I was closing in on 300#, I used to hit drive through windows commuting home from work  and then sit down to dinner with Erin when I got in. I’d do it multiple times a week. Most week days I’d hit the same drive throughs on the way to work. I’m still a fiend for a Burger King Sausage Egg and Cheese Croissant. I figured, ‘what the hell? The calories don’t count, if no one sees me eat them, right?!”

This time the excuse was different, but the pattern was the same. Since mid-April I have had a RAGING insatiable sweet tooth. The justification has been, “well, I’ll just have this now in the car, because my son shouldn’t have this and I don’t want him to feel bad.”

I’ve been hitting the local doughnut shop twice a week after working out at the gym in the morning. Stopping at the local milk shake shack, or just grabbing candy at the check out counter at the grocery store any time I went shopping unaccompanied. Each time, I kept telling myself, ‘tomorrow, I’ll clean this up.’

Well, tomorrow has arrived.

 

 

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